Fast Five Latest Mission

As the countdown to the release of the Fast Five VHS draws ever nearer, we here at Mission-In-Freaking-Sanity will celebrate the Fast and Furious franchise up until the epic release on October 4th. 

Fast Five Week: Video: The Fast and the Furious in 2 Minutes or More
A summary of all the major plot points of the first Fast and Furious film, so you don't have to actually watch the whole thing. Your welcome. 


Fast Five Week

Pointlessly in-depth

Fast Five Week

Another boring, pretentious article on something that is neither boring nor pretentious

Fast Five Week

A dry, lengthy commentary on Vin Diesel's character from the original Fast and the Furious 

Revolutionary Art Theory: 

"I Am Number Four," by D.J. Caruso
Inspired imagery from the Bayian school of the Awesomist tradition 


Three Stars:
Boring cinema at its finest.


One Star:
 
Beautiful imagery; poignant themes; innovative plot conflicts; ground-breaking visual effects; truly original storytelling approaches; powerful, epic music; and mysterious symbolism...

...too bad it sucks. Really badly. 


Four Stars:
 Sounding much closer to the Eagles than death metal, this band’s output feels like a 
‘70s-stlyed soundtrack for a long-haired, unemployed roadie cruising down the Sunset Strip as he tries to kill his afternoon hangover with a doobie. 

Five Stars:
Like a heavy acid band from the Manson era that was somehow lost into a drug-induced time-warp of nightmare and paranoia, the Black Angels have reemerged from the depths of mind-expansion with the hypnotic sounds of an apocalypse brewing on the horizon. 


Set in the current time period, the new Power Rangers movie will feature a new group of high school-ers just trying to navigate the tough times of their teenage years while balancing fighting evil giant robots and Ooze monsters.
Three Stars: Sure, the monomyth is a really cool idea, but it's not like 496 pages cool. 




Five Stars: Once voted by the readers of FHM magazine to be the "Sexiest Women in the World," Kelly Brook is super hot. Like really hot. I mean, I guess it's obvious, but any girl who can turn both Jason Statham and fellow bald badass Billy Zane into monogamists must be... well, besides fun to talk to or something, also super hot.


Five Stars: 
Without question, the greatest piranha film ever made, Alexandre Aja's visionary masterpiece is also a profound study of terrorism.
 

Five Stars:Dubstep meets songwriting. 

In James Blake's self titled debut LP the singer-songwriter is able to pull off warm, minimalist songs with a dubstep bass and classical piano orchestration. Much like Justin Vernon or Thom York, James Blake is pioneering a new art of singer-songwriting. One where the voice of the singer becomes more of a distortable/changeable instrument than ever before. Along with giving them more control than ever to create the distinct music they want by recording it all themselves with little to none backing of a band.


Three Stars:  The new album that the Chili Peppers have put out is sadly a little too similar to their previous works. While there are some notable songs on there such as the title song and Look Around, I cant help but feel they played it safe. Their other album with a new guitarist (Blood Sugar Sex Magik) while was not recieved positively by all, it did take a chance. This one while solid overall made me think that their new guitarist didnt have near the influence that Navarro did back in the day.

Five Stars:
Two legends of hip hop take over.

Album/Person Review: Jeff Bridges
Five Stars: God came riding up on a guitar. His spurs were a-jingling, the door was ajar. His buckle was silver, his manner was bold. I asked him for mercy, he gave me a gun, said Now n'again these things just got to be done.


Five Stars: Ryan Rodney Reynolds, his parents were better at alliteration than Stan Lee.

Sigh
TWO STARS: Just as Sam Worthington proved with alien Indians, Van Wilder shows us that white guys from Earth are better than these alien Leprechauns too.


Five Stars: Young, rich, tasteless, rockstar, genius, jim Morrison, God’s vessel…. All descriptions of Kanye West. And those are just the ones he thinks of himself.

Review: Fast Five
                                                   
                                                                                                                
Five Stars: Fast Five is kind of like being raped in the eyes by god for two hours.


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